I used to think...

That being a mom was going to be such fun. I thought I'd be young and healthy and have all this energy to play with and enjoy my children. I never knew that young mothers could be afflicted with conditions that would make being a parent difficult. Naive, I know.

After I had Dillon I never felt very good. My energy levels were low and I had a lot of pain in my back, neck, arms, legs. I guess I should just say I had a lot of pain everywhere. I thought it was the way I was sleeping or that I was out of shape. There had to be a logical reason. But the pain got worse and my energy levels got worse. Bobby finally convinced me to go to the doctor where, after blood samples and tests (to rule out other problems), I was diagnosed with fibromyalgia. Unfortunately there is not a cure for it. It will always be around. I am taking some medication for it that helps reduce the symptoms, but as soon as things get stressful, it comes back full force. Currently my arms feel like rubbery lead (odd combo, I know) and I could have slept all day.

Now ask how this combines with having four boys. Not great. I want to go outside and play with them. I want to run and chase them and play hide and go seek with them. I simply can't. What I am grateful for are the days when I do feel good enough to go for a walk with them. It isn't every day but I enjoy it more because I can't do that every day.




Other times, I admit, I feel as though they are running circles around me. On those days I survive and then I am happy to check on them as they sleep. Boys are always most precious when they are fast asleep, don't you think?